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Understanding where you are in the moment is an important part of getting where God wants you to be for the many moments of your life.

I think I am, with the very tips of my fingers, just beginning to have a hope of personally grasping this concept.

When the tragedies of life hit, and the wounds and weight of a given situation are deep beyond our reaching, we need triage treatment. In the physical realm the probing starts with the most obvious injuries that are clearly life threatening. Then come the tests and scans that look deeper within in order to determine the degree and severity of the internal injuries. Then the priorities are set, the order in which each of the injuries will be treated and set on their healing paths.

Our Father provides a similar method in the emotional and spiritual realms of our lives. He provides all that we need for healing and restoration, and He understands fully the need to apply His healing touch and whatever surgeries are necessary so that we can be remade in the image of His beloved Son. We are given the privilege to see these triage moments in the life of Lord Jesus primarily in the times that Jesus pulled away from the crowds and sought refuge in the Presence of His Father in His frequent get-aways for garden prayer moments. Time alone to refresh and refuel before His Father, to carefully guard His heart and walk in completely renewed surrender to the will of His Father, Who was the very source of His life here on earth.

And no garden prayer moment is more poignant than Gethsemane. With His heart broken nearly beyond bearing, Jesus calls out to His Father, “Is there no other way?” He is fully aware of all that it will mean to His heretofore unbroken fellowship with His own Abba Father. And yet, He knows what is required. He knows the way set before Him, the plan They dreamed up together before the foundation of the world, the plan to bring redemption and restoration, to bring healing to a broken world through the healing sacrifice of the Son’s own complete dependence on and obedience to the will of the Father. So, with His heart broken for those who could not even stay awake and pray with Him during this desperate time, He dedicates Himself to complete surrender once again and gathers His most trusted friends and moves toward the Cross. He does this for me and for you and for all of humanity. Jesus receives His triage in the Garden from the fellowship of the Holy Spirit with no condemnation of those who could do nothing but let Him down. Jesus knows His purpose. He fulfilled that purpose so that He fulfill God’s purpose for me in and through me by His own power and love and provision.

I am experiencing this need for triage in the garden in a way I could never have imagined. Even the best of intentioned friends can bring us pain, not because they mean to, but perhaps out of inexperience, or of so desiring to fix the injuries and the problems staring back at me that, like me, they run ahead of the Holy Spirit with words meant to console that only result in what feels like acid in the wounds. I am left questioning.

Questioning myself. Questioning my reasoning. Questioning my communication skills. Questioning my spirit and my maturity in the faith. I am exhausted – and yet I expect of myself perfection and the ability to extend unconditional grace. I wonder what is wrong with me? Why can’t I answer right immediately, to think and respond rapidly on my feet, regardless of where I am in the process of this grief. Why am I not fully in touch with what is going on inside my grieving heart every moment?

Oh, Papi, thank You for the grace of Gethsemane! Thank You for the hope in having a High Priest who has been here before me. A Savior who knows, who was tempted in every way and fully understands what I am made of – the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the mature and the immature. Thank You for the hope given through the uncountable “cloud of witnesses” through whom You provide encouragement and instruction and reminders of how You use the imperfect, the paupers, the ones who know themselves to be limited, fragile, weak and wholly dependent upon You! Thank You for this time to learn to be quiet more often, to intentionally take time to hear Your voice, the gentle prompting of Your Spirit, and to learn how to BE with You as You provide triage in the garden first for me and then through me to others who are also deeply in need of Your touch.

I say even now, in the depths of my own pain and uncertainty, I am certain of You! I am certain of Your grace and sovereignty! Not only do I trust You, but I choose to praise You right here and right now, not later, not waiting until I can see Your plan in hindsight, but NOW! You are my Redeemer! You are my Restoration! You are my Defender! You are my Provision. I love You and I praise Your holy Name!