I’m coming up on the six-week mark after my surgery. There have been definite improvements with each week during this time. But the thing that I find most discouraging and debilitating is how easily fatigued I still am. I want to do more. I want more stamina as I attend to the basics in life.
And yet, I am wondering if this isn’t a time when God Himself is calling me to slow down and be more intentional with the time I spend just being. I mean, yes, I do know that is a very basic principle of life and faith, but it has not been a part of my wiring or my doing. Neither has alone time exactly been a normal part of my life. And I must admit, I have actually been enjoying fragments of time to myself the past couple of months. In fact, I would actually have to say that I have been craving them here and there.
I feel a call to more, an invitation to delve deeper, to press into the very heart of God. And sometimes that is extremely comforting, but to be honest, sometimes it terrifies me. What is it that He is calling me to? What transformation is He about to render in me? What is it that He wants to accomplish through me? So many questions run through my mind. (Okay, for those of you who know me, that silly statement conjures up images of all these crazy question mark critters literally running around in my head looking for places to hide or something to eat or somebody to scare. I don’t know…maybe there’s a children’s book brewing up there somewhere. Who knows?)
What I do know is this: when I do slow down and take time to press into Him, what I feel most is the comfort of His touch and the soothing of His voice as He speaks my name and reminds me of His everlasting love. It will all work out. As I surrender to Him, I will know the reality of “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.” How can I respond in fear and doubt when He reassures me with certainty of His faithfulness?!
Come, Lord Jesus! Have Your way in me!