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The ART of Finding God in THIS cloud – Imaginations

Warning! Not for the faint of heart!

One of my greatest frustrations in this process is facing the bizarre imaginations that my husband, K, lobs at me like daggers. It feels like they are meant to pin me up against the wall with the demand that I admit they are real and he is right and I am a liar. I feel the wounds deeply, as he assassinates my character and believes he has the right to determine my motives, my feelings, and my desires and to hurl accusations that are simply and plainly unfounded and contrived.

But the thing that really drives my crazy is that when I try to express my frustration with his false accusations, he usually denies that has ever does it. Every once in a great while it will seem like he does understand what I am saying and he will agree that his imagination gets away from him and he is trying to change what he thinks. But then he picks right back up with how what he has imagined is true and I am once again accused of things that simply are not true. The battle rages on…

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.  2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (NASB)

In the natural realm and response of my humanity, I want to justify myself. I want to prove I am right. I want to be vindicated and emerge sparkling clean, a source of inspiration to all who know me. But as I bring myself before the Lord, I know that what He desires is humility, the recognition of my need for His work in every area of my life; I need His restoring power to redeem my failures and shortcomings and remind me that I am only complete in finished work on behalf of all humanity. My choice in this process is to slow down and consider my own reactions, to examine where I am, and to intentionally bring myself before the Lord to ask where the hidden motives are, the places of brokenness in me, where I do not yet realize the fullness of His redemption.

As a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, I am instructed to consider the true source of the battle and the real enemy I am facing.  I am instructed to recognize where the only effective weapons lie and the power these divine weapons hold in order to destroy the fortresses that keep us humans in bondage. How do I combat speculations that defy the truth of God? I must take my every thought captive and choose the perfect obedience that Jesus, as He took on the form of a man, demonstrated to His Father. Not by my own strength, but by the gift of grace He makes available to me every moment of every day!

This simple truth is easy for me to grasp and proclaim as I sit in the comfort of my home 2000 miles away from the conflict with K. But when I am faced with a phone call or an email or a text that demands that I deal with his reality, I do not experience God’s truth as simple, much less easy. I am still learning. I am deeply grateful for the do-overs God provides. I will continue to turn to my Father and receive His grace and His cleansing each time I fail. For to do anything else would be to negate the finished work of Christ on my behalf.

Faith. Grace. Mercy. God’s provision for each of us!